Think of Me
by Forlay
Summary: What if Rachel went away and Tobias found someone else?


#  Think of Me

##  By: Forlay

**_Think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said good-bye..._**

**__**

The young woman sat in her window seat on the train, thinking to herself. She was finally going home. She'd been away at college for six long years, having changed her major twice, returning home to see her family for just days at a time. Now she was on her way home for good, having decided to go into broadcast journalism, like her father.   
What she was worried about was who she'd find when she got there. She knew her family was eagerly awaiting her return, as was her best friend, but the others? The special someone she'd been forced to leave behind?   
They'd promised eachother they wouldn't forget eachother, she didn't think they could, but six years was a long time to stay devoted to a person you never see. Who knew how he'd still feel about her.**__**

**_Remember me, every so often, promise me you'll try..._**

Once the train groaned to a stop, Rachel pulled her luggage out of the overhead compartment and shuffled out of the car.   
Once out in the station, Rachel scanned the milling crowd for a familiar face. Seeing no one, she'd just resigned herself to hailing a cab to take her to her new apartment, a familiar voice called out "Rachel!"   
She turned around to to see two familiar faces pushing through the crowd towards her. "Cassie! Jake! Hi!"   
Cassie wrapped her best friend in a hug, which Rachel returned. "It's so good to see you!" Cassie exclaimed.   
"You too," Rachel grinned. She turned to her cousin. "Wasn't expecting to see you here!"   
Jake shrugged. "Cassie said you were coming in today so I decided to tag along."   
"Glad you came. Anybody else with you?" Rachel asked hopefully.   
Cassie shook her head. "Your mom and sisters are waiting for you at your mom's house, we're supposed to take you there."   
"Any word on anyone else?"   
Cassie looked confused for a moment, then figured out exactly who she was talking about. "Oh. He's...home. I don't think anyone told him you were coming in today." She passed a nervous look to Jake, trying to convey her panicked thought,_ she doesn't know?!___

**_On that day, that not so distant day, when you are far away and free. If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me..._**   
The phone rang around four, causing Tobias to jump up from the couch and run to answer, hoping to hear his girlfriend's voice saying she was on her way over. Instead he was greeted by Cassie's demand. "You didn't_ tell _her?!"   
"Huh? Tell who what?"   
"Rachel. About Vanessa."   
Tobias barely suppressed a curse. "She's back?"   
"Of course she is! Haven't you two kept in touch?"   
"Well, for a while...but we sort of fell out of the habit."   
"Well, you're in for it. She's at her apartment now, only a block or two from yours, and she's expecting to see you. Soon. I'm not positive, but I think she still loves you."   
Tobias heard a knock at the door. That would be Vanessa. "I'll...call her later, or something, but Vanessa's here right now."   
"Alright, but I suggest you get this over with fast. Don't keep her hanging."   
"Yeah. Thanks, Cassie." He hung up and answered the door.   
"Hi," Vanessa greeted him with a kiss. "What took you so long?"   
"Phone call."   
"Oh. Who?"   
"No one. Just one of my many girlfriends."   
"Hah ha," Vanessa said, giving Tobias a playful shove while throwing her long blond hair over her shoulder. He'd never realized how much she looked like Rachel before. "You said you had something for me?"   
With a pang of guilt, Tobias remembered the box in his room that was the whole reason for inviting Vanessa over. The box held her engagement ring. He'd finally been able to afford the perfect ring to give her. It wasn't much, but Vanessa wouldn't mind. But could he give it to her now with his first love so near? Maybe he should wait, see how things went with Rachel. But when he looked into Vanessa's wide blue eyes, eyes filled with nothing but love and laughter, unlike Rachel's, which were filled with pain and anger, he knew the time was right. "Come on, it's in my room."

**_And though it's clear, though it was always clear, that this was never meant to be, if you happen to remember, stop and think of me..._** **__**

Rachel paced around her minimally furnished apartment, choosing to wait by the phone for Tobias' call instead of sitting on one of the absently placed pieces of furniture in front of a nonexistent TV. Even though she was expecting it, she jumped when the phone rang. She answered it before it'd completed it's first ring.   
"Hello!"   
"Hello...Rachel? It's Tobias."   
Rachel let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "How've you been?"   
"Oh. Fine. Nothing much goes on in the life of a boy turned hawk turned boy again."   
Rachel laughed giddily. Why was she so nervous? "Yeah, I'm sure. Listen, you want to get together later? I need to go out to eat anyways, my refrigerator hasn't come yet and I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping."   
There was a hesitant pause before Tobias answered. "Uh, I'm buys with work tonight. Maybe some other time."   
Rachel sagged against the wall. "Yeah, okay."   
"I've got to go. I'll talk to you later."   
"Yeah. Later." Rachel hung up the phone and sighed. Then began arguing with herself silently.   
_You knew he might not feel the same any more, this shouldn't be a surprise!_   
_ But he could have told me instead of just stop writing._   
_ He's probably got someone else and didn't want her to find out about you._   
_ Shut up, shut up, shut up! _She stopped the 'conversation' there, grabbed her keys and purse, then went out to her rental car, which she was using untill she had a chance to buy her own. Dinner at McDonald's, while not the most extravagant of dinners, was just what she needed.

**_Don't think about the way things might have been..._**

Tobias felt guilty as he hung up the phone. She'd sounded so sad, although she'd tried valiantly to hid it, he could tell how she felt. Even after six years of separation, he knew her that well. He knew he should have told her when he first met Vanessa there was someone else...but he knew it would have hurt Rachel more than anything else, so he'd kept quiet about it, and now look at the fine situation he was in.   
Without meaning to, his mind started wandering. Not to his future with Vanessa, but what things could have been like if there'd been no Vanessa, if he and Rachel had stayed together. Would it have been her he'd proposed to just hours earlier? Would they have already been married?   
He shook his head as he turned on the TV. Thinking about that was pointless. Rachel and him would never again be anymore than just friends. He had Vanessa now, and she was the only woman he'd ever need again.

**_Think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned. Think of me, trying too hard to put you from my mind..._** **__**

The next morning, Rachel woke up early. Today was her last day of freedom before her first day in the 'real world' started. The rest of her things would be arriving before noon and Cassie had planned a 'Welcome Home' party in her honor in the afternoon.   
She quickly pulled on some clothes and went down to the kitchen. She did have a coffee maker and coffee, she'd bought that yesterday while she was out. Six years of all nighters in college had made coffee her vice.   
After her coffee, she spent an hour and a half trying to move the furniture into better positions, but didn't have much luck. _Oh, well, leave it to the movers_, she thought.   
At 11, the movers arrived. They brought the rest of her things into her ground level apartment, just setting down boxes wherever they felt like it, which Rachel wasn't happy about, but could live with.   
Once they were gone, all she had to wait for was the delivery of her refrigerator and stove.   
Buuuuuzzzzz!   
That'd be them   
The two movers hauled in the large appliances and set them up for her. Once they were gone, Rachel checked her watch: one o'clock, Time to head to Cassie's apartment. The party didn't start untill two, but Cassie wanted Rachel there early, and she wasn't quite sure where Cassie was living now.   
Rachel found the apartment complex by 1:30, but had to spend another fifteen minutes trying to find Cassie's particular apartment, but eventually she found it, and knocked on the door.   
"Hey, Rachel!" Cassie greeted, grinning, letting Rachel in.   
"Hi," Rachel replied. "What're you all smiles about? It hasn't been _that_ long since you've seen me."   
"Oh, nothing," Cassie said, suddenly looking down at her hands. "Just this." She held out her handing, showing her friend a gold ring with several diamonds on it.   
"Whoa! When'd that happen?!"   
"Just a few minutes ago," Jake said, coming up and putting an arm around Cassie's shoulder. "Sorry to take away from your day, Rachel, but I couldn't wait."   
"You won't get a complaint from me," Rachel said. The buzzer then sounded, announcing another guest.   
"You wanna get that, Rachel?" Cassie asked. "We've got more stuff to set up."   
"Just so long as you're working and not entertaining yourselves otherwise," Rachel said with a sly grin as she answered the door.   
Rachel looked out the peephole before opening, hoping it was Tobias. It wasn't. It was Marco.   
"Whatever you're selling, we don't want any!" she told him when she'd opened the door a crack.   
"Okay, fine. I'll just return the gift I brought," Marco said, feigning insult as he began to walk away.   
"Yeah, like you really brought me a present," Rachel said to him sarcastically, poking her head out into the hall.   
"I did," he insisted over he shoulder. He turned around, revealing the dozen red roses he was holding. "I had some extra cash, so..."   
Rachel came out of the apartment and took the roses from him. "So you brought me roses? Aw, Marco, you shouldn't have!"   
"Yeah, well..."   
"No, really, you shouldn't have. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were flirting with me."   
"Would I do that? With you? Never!"   
"Good. Now come inside and help Cassie and Jake set up. I'm the guest of honor and can't get my hands dirty with such manual labor."   
"What if I said I was allergic to manual labor?"   
"I'd make you work anyways."   
"Darn."   
A flood of guests arrived in the next 20 minutes, keeping Rachel busy. By two, only one guest hadn't arrived yet: Tobias, the person Rachel wanted to see most.   
But finally, at ten after, the buzzer rang a final time.   
"Excuse me," she told the people she was talking to at the moment and ran to the door.   
She looked out the peephole, just to be sure, and felt herself go weak in the knees when she saw Tobias.   
_Stop it, Rachel!_ she told herself. _ You're acting silly._ Yet she couldn't quite keep her pulse from racing as she opened the door.   
"HI, Tobias," she said grinning when she got her first good look at him. As he said hi and moved to go in the apartment, Rachel got her first glimpse of the woman behind him. She noticed the blond hair and blue eyes first, and how much the woman resembled herself. Then she saw the ring on the woman's left hand. A small engagement ring, but an engagement ring none the less.   
"Uh, Rachel, this is Vanessa," Tobias introduced, "My fiancee. Vanessa, this is Rachel."   
"Hi," Vanessa said, cheerfully extending her hand. Rachel shook it numbly, not quite believing the introduction. Fiancee?!   
As if on auto pilot, Rachel stepped back from the door, letting Tobias and Vanessa in. She let them proceed her into the living room before she rejoined the group she'd been talking to earlier.   
"What's wrong?" Melissa Chapman asked when she saw her friend's expression.   
"When did Tobias and Vanessa get engaged? Better yet, when did they even start going out?" Rachel asked, hoping Melissa or one of the others in the group knew.   
"They've been going out for about four years," another friend, Nicole, supplied. "Vanessa told me last night Tobias proposed yesterday afternoon."   
Rachel absorbed that information slowly. Four years and he hadn't even bothered to tell her! That would explain the lack of letters she received from him. Well, she could stop wondering how he still felt about her, she'd never be more than a casual acquaintance anymore, for she wouldn't try and break up Tobias and Vanessa. She may have felt hurt and betrayed, but Rachel knew better than to try and play vengeful ex-girlfriend.

**_Think of me, please say you'll think of me, whatever else you choose to do. There will never be a day when I won't think of you..._** **__**Tobias watched Rachel from across the room the rest of the afternoon. She made no attempt to come over and talk to him. He supposed it was his fault, springing Vanessa on her like that, but she could at least have said "Hello, nice to see you again"!   
After spending most of the party talking to Jake, Cassie and Marco and various friends of Vanessa's who happened to be there, the party goers slowly began to leave. Finally, the only people left were the former Animorphs and Vanessa.   
"Vanessa, why don't you wait for me in the car? I'm just going to say good-bye to everyone up here a moment." he could tell she was reluctant to, but she did, leaving Tobias an opportunity to finally talk to Rachel.   
"Hey, Rachel, can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked as she was cleaning up paper plates and cups. When she looked at him, her face devoid of emotion, he feared she'd say no, but instead she nodded and led him into the kitchen.   
"Talk," she said tersely as she shoved the trash into the bin and raised herself up on the counter to sit.   
"I just want you to know how sorry I am. I understand that you're probably ticked off at me right now, and I can't blame you, but that wasn't my intent. I kept our promise, I thought of you ever day for six years. For the first two, I thought the pain of missing you would never go away. But then I met Vanessa...and the pain began to go away."   
"And soon you found you loved her and couldn't imagine your life without her?" Rachel finished softly.   
"Yes," he admitted.   
"I've felt the same way, Tobias. I used to know this guy. Kind of shy, quiet, came from a pretty screwed up home. At that point in time I was feeling pretty messed up myself, alone and confused and through this guy, I began to heal. I could to talk him whenever I wanted without worrying about what he thought of me. And he talked the same to me, mostly. And I grew to love him. I was sure that if I ever had to leave him, I'd shrivel up and die. And yet, I had to leave him, and hated myself everyday for it.   
"That guy was you, Tobias. I thought of you too, everyday. And though I had my choice of guys at college, I refused every one of them.   
"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. In fact, I wish you and Vanessa the best of luck. I just want you to know you don't have to explain anything. I understand. I'm hurt, yes, I wish you'd told me so I wouldn't have put my entire life on hold waiting to come back to you, but I'll be fine. Now you go on, Vanessa's waiting."   
Tobias hesitated for a moment, torn between staying with Rachel and joining his wife to be. Joining Vanessa won out. He told Rachel good-bye then exited the apartment, hoping the soft sobs he heard behind him weren't Rachel's.

**_Long ago, it seems so long ago, how young and innocent we were..._**

"So, Rachel's just an old friend?" Vanessa asked Tobias as they were on the way to her apartment. Tobias would be dropping her off there before going on to work.   
"Yes, she's just a friend. Why?"   
"Oh, no real reason. I just got the feeling she was more."   
Tobias sighed. "Okay, I'll admit she was an old girlfriend, but that was back when we were in high school. it's behind us now. Neither of us want to be more than friends anymore. I mean, with someone like you to look forward to spending the rest of my life with, how could anyone else hope to compare?"   
"Aw, you're sweet," Vanessa told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Tobias pulled into her apartment complex, she gave him another kiss, then got out of the car, heading towards her apartment.   
As Tobias pulled back out into traffic, he though of what he'd said to Vanessa. He didn't want to be anymore than friends with Rachel anymore, but was it the same for her?   
"You don't need to feel guilty, Tobias," he told himself aloud. "You tried to explain, she said it was okay. You never promised not to date, just never to forget eachother. You did that. Now get on with your life."

**_She may not remember me but I remember her..._****__**

_5 years later..._ __

"Rachel! Phone for you."   
Rachel nodded then picked up the phone on her desk. "Hello?"   
"Rachel, it's Mark," Mark was the network manager. "Listen, we need another reporter over in the Middle East. Things are heating up over there."   
"Again," Rachel added dryly.   
"Yes, again. Would you be willing to go over there and be our war correspondent? I can understand if you wouldn't want to..."   
"I'll go," Rachel told him. _After all_, she added silently, _I was in a war most of my life, why should this be any different?_ Besides it would keep her mind off Tobias.   
She got the details from Mark, she'd be leaving that weekend, and hung up. Instead of getting back to work right away, however, she began to think of Tobias.   
_NO_, she told herself silently. _You aren't going to think about him. He's married, going to have a kid soon, you just go on your merry little way and forget about him._   
And she did. Within minutes, Tobias was totally out of her mind as she busied herself with preparations for her trip.

While Rachel was busy trying to keep Tobias out of her thoughts, Tobias couldn't think of much else but her.   
_Why'd she start to ignore me?_ he wondered. He hadn't seen her since his wedding two years earlier, and even then she hadn't stayed around for longer than necessary. Was she purposefully breaking their promise, or was she just busy with work, as she always claimed?

**_Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade, they have their seasons so do we..._**   
Rachel was standing on top of a hotel crowded with other reporters. It was just outside the city, which was under attack by bombers, both U.N. and their own, making it a great place for the reporters from around the world to get their story.   
"Five, four, three, two," the camera operator, Tony, pointed at Rachel, signaling the broadcast would being coming through.   
"What are things like out there, Rachel?" asked the staticy voice, half a world away.   
"We're just a mile or so outside the city where the attacks are being concentrated, but even from this distance you can see the glow of the fires that have broken out due to bombs."   
"Have many bombs come out your way?"   
As if in answer, the building shook. Tony panned the camera away, showing where a small factory had been hit with a bomb just a few hundred yards away.   
"Well, there's your answer. Although that's maybe the third one that's come close to us in this evening's attack."   
"Alright, thank you, Rachel, and be careful out there."   
Rachel smiled, hoping it wasn't too reminiscent of her wild 'Let's do it!' grin of old. "I will." Tony turned off the camera, signaling to Rachel she could move again.   
"Let's get down to ground level," she shouted over the buzz of war planes above. "It's safer down there, and we can get a better view of that bombed factory."   
"You aren't going to try and get near there, are you?" one of the technicians asked as she wound a cord around her arm.   
"This is why I went into journalism, to get right in the middle of the action."   
Another bomb fell, a little closer this time.   
"Whoa, those are the bad guys!" Tony shouted. He'd been in the area longest and knew what the different planes sounded like. "They're probably trying to get rid of us. Rachel, you can go sightseeing some other time, we have to take cover."   
"That's suicide!"   
"That's nothing new for me. See ya' on the flip side." Rachel gave the techie her mic and earpiece then began down the rickety staircase. She stopped by her room before leaving the building, grabbing a notebook and pen to take notes with.   
She stepped out of the building, choosing her steps carefully in the war torn landscape. The ground was littered with shrapnel she hadn't had to worry about on the hotel's roof. She considered going back for a moment, but decided against it, she'd rather take her chances.   
"Rachel!"   
She turned around to see the techie, Kristen, joining her. "What're you doing out here?"   
"I think this is suicidal, but I'm not going to let you die alone."   
"Thanks for your optimism," Rachel told the younger woman, hardly more than a girl actually at 24, just out of school. "I'm going to get as near that factory as possible. That'll make a good story to take back: a first hand account of the wreckage."   
"I'm there with you. I guess. Someone has to make sure you don't get so wrapped up in your work you disregard the bombers overhead."   
"Gotcha," Rachel said, slightly giddy. This was the most natural thing for her, to be in the middle of a war zone. Even if she wasn't directly involved in the battle, she couldn't help but feel excited.   
On their way to the bomb site, Kristen had to drag Rachel to cover several times. She just wasn't paying attention to her surroundings, which could easily prove fatal.   
"What is your problem, Rachel?! Do you _want_ to die?" Kristen demanded finally.   
Rachel shook her head. "No, just...no." How could she explain that she was used to hearing different battle sounds? The sound of animals bellowing in pain, not planes. They sounded too harmless to pose a threat to her battle scarred mind.   
"Let's keep going, we're almost to the factory. We should be safer there, they won't bomb the same spot twice."   
The two women ran through the abandoned streets untill they reached the block where the factory had been. The entire block was on fire.   
"No fire control has been able to get out here," Kristen observed. "We can't stay long, who knows how long before this entire part of town is burnt to the ground.   
"Uh-huh," Rachel said absently, scribbling away in her notebook. Kristen began helping Rachel with her observations. Both were so immersed in the work, and nearly deafened by the sound of the fire, that they missed the warning plane engines untill it was nearly too late.   
"Kristen!" Rachel shouted when she glanced up for a second and saw the first plane. She pointed towards the planes above them, to be sure Kristen saw them, then began searching frantically for cover. There wasn't any safety in the empty buildings, they'd be almost as bad as staying out in the open. Then Rachel saw the all too familiar signs of a bomb falling. Straight towards them.   
Without thinking, Rachel began pulling Kristen, trying to get as far away from ground zero as possible. The women stumbled over litter in the streets, and Kristen was soon ahead of Rachel.   
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!   
The bomb hit, nearly deafening Rachel. The shock wave sent debris, along with Rachel, flying. Rachel careened into Kristen, who'd managed to keep on her feet untill then.   
Kristen struggled to get out from under Rachel, unawares that Rachel's misfortune had been her savior. "Rachel?" she asked, shaken. Rachel just moaned.   
Carefully, Kristen rolled Rachel over, hoping she was only hurt, not near death like the profusely bleeding shrapnel wounds in her legs would otherwise indicate. However, her hopes were dashed when she saw Rachel's ashen face and unfocused eyes.   
"Rachel, can you hear me?" Kristen wasn't sure, but she thought she saw Rachel nod. "Alright, that's good. I want you to keep responding to what I say. The others know where we are, they'll come looking for us as soon as it's safe. You'll be fine." But Rachel shook her head.   
"I...I learned to accept my mortality a long time ago," she whispered. "I'm not going to make it, I can feel it. I pushed my luck too far this time."   
"Rachel...no. You're delusional...or something," Kristen said. She'd known Rachel barely a month, yet couldn't stand the thought of her dying. Through out this whole ordeal, she hadn't freaked out once, as the rookie techie had been tempted to do on more than one occasion.   
"When you tell my parents back home, tell them...I love them. And make sure Tobias knows...I never forgot him." Rachel's eyes closed, but Kristen could tell from the slight rise and fall of her chest she was still alive. Barely.   
_Tony, please hurry!___

**_But please promise me that sometimes you will think of me..._** **__**

RING   
Vanessa sighed and waddled over to the phone. Being pregnant sucked when no one was home to wait on her hand and food.   
"Hello?"   
"Vanessa?" a voice on the other end sobbed. "It's Cassie. Is Tobias there?"   
"No, he's still at work. What's wrong?"   
Cassie sniffed. "Alot, Vanessa. But I think I need to tell Tobias myself."   
"Alright, Cassie. I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home."   
"Thanks." Cassie sniffed again, as if she was going to say more, but hung up instead.   
Puzzled, Vanessa hung up the phone and went back to her set in front of the TV to await her husband's return.   
Just an hour later, he was home, much to Vanessa's relief. Cassie's mysterious call had left her troubled.   
"Hi, hon," she greeted him when he came in to see her.   
"Hi," he replied. "Anything interesting happen today?"   
"Don't even joke. _Nothing_ interesting ever happens in this little town."   
"You'd be surprised about that," Tobias said under his breath.   
"But Cassie called for you, she sounded pretty upset."   
Tobias frowned. "Did she say what was wrong?"   
"No. Just that she needed to talk to you."   
"I'll call her now." He went into the kitchen and picked up the extension there, just in case he needed to be alone for whatever Cassie had to tell him.   
"Hello?" came Cassie's quiet voice at the other end of the line.   
"Cassie, it's Tobias..." he couldn't say more because Cassie burst into tears.   
"She's...she's..." she couldn't complete the thought.   
"Whoa, Cassie, calm down a second. Who is it and what happened to her?"   
Cassie took a large ragged breath before continuing. "Rachel," she managed to say, "While she was out...oh, God, why?!"   
Tobias froze. "Cassie. What happened to Rachel?"   
"She was out in the Middle East. War correspondent. She went out to investigate something and was caught in a bomb blast. They didn't find her in time."   
"Oh my..."   
"One of the crew was with her when...when it happened," Cassie continued, slightly calmer. "Rachel told her to tell you...she never forgot you."   
Tobias slowly let the phone drop from his hand, letting it dangle from the cord. Rachel? Dead? By some stupid bombing in some stupid war? No!   
And yet...it was sort of fitting. Rachel had been lucky-or unlucky, take your pick-to live through the war with the Yeerks. She wouldn't have settled for some quiet death when she was 100 or something. But why so soon? Why a bomb and not a fight she could have fought back in? And why the hell hadn't she morphed to save herself, no matter who was around?!   
"I never forgot you either Rachel," he said quietly as he hung up the phone. "I never forgot you, and will think of you always."   
__

_A/N--Don't hurt me for breaking up Tobias and Rachel! I had to for this story's sake. All you authors have been there, too, so don't even try and deny it!!! Maybe not breaking up a couple, but you've had to do _something _for the sake of a story!___

_Oh, and those lyrics that were interspersed in there were from 'Think of Me' from 'The Phantom of the Opera'. And for anyone who's a Phantom enthusiast: yes, I did cut a small _small_ lyric out, simply 'cause it had Christine's name in it and that would due at all!!! But I hope you enjoyed the story anyways, I thought it was pretty nifty, even if I am a little partial._


End file.
